A Little Something For The Ladies
June 1st, 2005 by Adam
“There are no feminists when the lifeboats are lowered.” - Pers Manifesto
Sunday I detoxed and thought long and hard about gender equality.
Yes, I am a man. Yes, I enjoy my status as the most valued gender and safest pigmentation on this Earth, but I’ll be the first person to call bullshit on the fact that women are anything but equal in America—that women still make seventy cents to a man’s dollar; still live with near constant objectification by mainstream media and a government that makes repeated attempts to restrict the freedom of choice and bodily control that men enjoy. But abortion is another issue entirely: I’m talking about a double standard that exists within our society which, on the surface, counts women as completely equal yet refuses them equal access to economic, social and political benefits.
I recently asked a friend (in front of his girlfriend, no less) if he believed in gender equality. He took the gallant approach and said that he did. So I posed the question in a different manner: if your girlfriend walked over and spit in my face, should I sock her one in the jaw? His look changed as he began the predictable after-school-special speech about how you should never hit a girl. I countered with my favorite P.J. O’Rourke quote: “How much fame, money, and power does a woman have to achieve on her own before you can punch her in the face?” Not only is that quote hilarious, but it illustrates an important facet of gender relations in America. For all our lofty aspirations and progress, for all our rhetoric about equality and fairness, we still tie ourselves to a neo-Victorian conception of femininity. The most deep-rooted of these beliefs is the idea that because of their innate “femaleness” women should never be touched, struck or physically harmed in any way. While two men involved in a dispute can kick the shit out of each other and no one cares, a man who so much as shakes a woman, no matter the reason, is viewed as a spawn of Satan. She just burned down his house, fucked his best friend and keyed the shit out of his car— yet she’s beyond physical reproach? I call bullshit. If we’re willing to accept that women and men are completely equal, a woman who acts intentionally rude should get the same ass kicking that a man would. This certainly does NOT mean that I’m into hitting women or that I condone domestic violence. There is a HUGE difference between a couple in a heated debate shoving each other and a person coming home drunk and wailing on their spouse. There’s a huge difference between hitting someone if they deserve it and excessive, unprovoked violence. I’m generally a pacifist and call bullshit on ANY form of unwarranted physical violence. Likewise, forced sex in all forms is bullshit and needs to be stopped– serial rapists should be castrated and chained to the floor of a prison shower. Women should not have to be afraid to walk at night because of the sexual equipment they were born with.
Women, I call bullshit on the lack of power you have in this society. You are 51% of the population– why are you underrepresented in the Senate and the House, as CEOs and military commanders, curiously absent from leadership positions in almost every financial, legal and social institution in this country? You are underrepresented in local government, law school, medical school and business ownership. 56% of college students are female, why do you only receive 31% of doctorates? I refuse to believe this is because you don’t WANT to wield power. I refuse to believe this is because you’d RATHER be domestics, teachers, or nurses. I refuse to believe this is because you’re innately suited for said jobs.
But for you four women who may read this, be warned: when I say I believe in complete gender equality, I’m serious. I call bullshit on all those things, but I also call bullshit on hiding behind your femininity while demanding equality. I call bullshit on the preferential treatment you enjoy in other arenas. You should have no more a claim to your children than the father in custody battles. You should be recruited, trained as hard, and sent to the front lines to die just as egregiously as males do. You should do the same time for the same crimes as men and you should NOT get out of traffic tickets easier because you have breasts. If you choose to accept the mantle of equality then you have chosen to tear down every wall that separates us as male and female and, while I applaud that step, I hope that you understand every facet of the consequences of the act.
But this is all a serious divergence from my original gripe about a double standard set by society and government in regards to women. The problem is that America is a nation tied harder to patriarchy than to Christianity. Putting a woman in charge threatens the very fabric of a society where women are given the clear message from birth that they can be anything but should probably be a teacher, nurse or housewife. I’m not demeaning women in those positions—there are amazing women everywhere– all I’m saying is that if you choose to be a housewife, do it. If you choose to teach, please for the love of god do it and do it well. But don’t do it because, as my father so eloquently says, it’s ‘woman’s work’. Don’t do it because it’s a ‘man’s world’ and the idea of doing whatever you want to do is intimidating. Just because Barbie was a mindless bimbo slut doesn’t mean you need to emulate her with a perfect body, convertible, androgynous boyfriend, and lots of accessories.
I’ll concede that, historically speaking, women today are better off and more equal than they were 20 years ago, and 20 years before that, and 20 years before that pretty much uninterrupted throughout the history of our society. The climate has changed and things are, or seem to be, improving but we can’t allow ourselves to be lulled into a false sense of accomplishment. There’s always farther to go; always more work to be done.
I’ll vote for the first woman who runs for president— even if the Republicans get some hair on their nuts and run that gapped-tooth Condoleeza Rice. It’s time to shake the sheets a little, to quote Ted Leo. Woman? Man? There’s no difference—it’s just people, baby! In all seriousness, no woman could do worse than the cracker-jack group of fucks in Washington today– JFK probably deserved assassination less than any of the silly WASPs we’ve elected since. The system works, yes, but the system relies upon ignorance, which Americans in general are teeming with.
I can see why some, male and female, might be offended, but the intention is not to offend but to provoke thought and dialogue. I attempted to tackle in 1,200 words a remarkably complex topic that could easily make a full-blown thesis. Some of my crackpot leftist ideas are probably off the mark—but the path to societal enlightenment doesn’t lay in your nightly news broadcasts and shitty CSI reruns. While most of America sits at home night after night inundated by television and conspicuous consumption, some of us haven’t given in. Some of us are still thinking, reading, writing, and fighting. Some of us are still trying to make a god damn difference.
I’m in your corner, ladies.
Adam
I call bullshit on you sir. How dare you tone down your ideas in an attempt to offend less people. Perhaps a “part two” is in order, so that you can actually say more of what you were thinking and do less of trying to make it “not too long”.
As one of the four female readers, I feel compelled to share my response to this post.
On the whole, bravo. I’m not offended at all, and P.J. O’Rourke’s quote makes me laugh.
That being said, I have only one point of contention. You dropped the ball when you said you’d vote for the first female presidential candidate. What happened to “treat people as people?” Supporting for a person because they are disadvantaged in any way reinforces differential treatment and labels. It reminds me of Mattel’s blunder with Barbie’s new friend, “Wheelchair Becky.” They quickly realized that prefacing her name with her handicap wasn’t the best idea, so her name was changed to “Share a Smile Becky.” (Apparently, having a lame phrase before your name is an improvement.)
A Picture of Wheelchair Becky
As for woman’s work, I’ve struggled with this one myself. I like to think of my decisions as autonomous, but when I look around the education department at the aquarium and see that out of the 50 staff, 47 are women, I wonder, “How much has gender socialization affected me?” While I sit with crossed legs and occasionally wear heels, I wonder if the claws of socialization are dug in much farther. Of course, this is heading into the dangerous territory of “nature vs. nurture” and I’m not walking down that path…
This woman is off to wield power, to study science, to fear the streets as night, to be underrepresented, and to get angry at every vacuum commercial. And by the way, I’ve received every ticket I’ve been pulled over for…
Hey Jess, thanks for your interest. You’re right that I did drop the ball, though I see worse examples than my contention to vote for the first woman to run for president. In an earlier draft I qualified: that decision has less to do with wanting to empower the disadvantaged than my earnest desire to see America do something socially progressive and publicly make good on it’s promise of equality.
Beyond that, I see gender-biased language lacing that article, which is something I try to steer away from, or at the very least, be aware of. Imbueing gutsiness on Republicans using an image of manhood doesn’t exactly fit with my message of equality, but I never claimed to be perfect, just to be thinking.
I often wonder if I can even write on this topic– if Andrea Dworkin isn’t correct that women innately know more about gender inequality in the same way that any oppressed people intrinsically have a better understanding of their oppressors. Obviously I can never fully understand what it’s like to be a woman living in a ‘man’s world’ but I can catch inklings.
For the past six years I’ve worked with young children. If you hadn’t noticed, elementary schools are almost exclusively staffed by females–at my current site, out of 52 staff only 6 are male, and that is one of the highest percentages in the district. I chose this profession because I love it, because I’m good at it, because I’m passionate about it– but I’m constantly being eyed on campus and in public because I don’t fit the correct profile. Parents in supermarkets pull their children closer when I smile at them because, apparently, ‘men’ are supposed to be neither nurturing nor friendly– what bullshit is that? I have to be careful every single day because while female teachers can grab, hug and grow strong attachments to their students, if I so much as touch a child’s back in a way that looks inappropriate to one small-minded parent, my career is over. I am the underrepresented, misunderstood one in my profession, but I can only imagine what it’s like living that reality every second of every day.
Anyway, I’m glad someone is reading. Thanks for caring enough to respond. I’m glad you’re wielding power and pursuing your dreams. Take care, and we discuss nature vs. nurture another day.
P.S. Don’t let the man get you down.
i think your ammendment to this article in the form of the above comment is better and more important than the article itself. for once i will leave a longer and more developed comment than, ‘you know i’ll always be there to kick you in the balls’. I have started developing this fear lately of working with young children. Like Adam, I feel the pressure around me to be neither nuturing nor friendly to those children that I work with and teach every day. At the school I work at, I pick up and come in contact with children all the time, both as we play and when they get hurt and need to be carried inside, or held because they are crying. When I tell my mom some of these stories she warns me that I could possibly get in trouble for it. Why? Because I am carind for a child in need or showing playfullness in a community of rigidity and intollerance like a private Catholic school? No, because someone might think that I’m a perderast. What the fuck is that about?
Most of the time today’s male teachers can only show the face of a strict disciplinarian in their classrooms, not that of a caring surrogate that females so easliy use. This role modeling of the ultru take-no-bullshit man can only increase a young boy’s idea of how they are supposed to act when they are thrown into adult society. If we, as male teachers, were allowed to actually show compassion and affection to the students that many time have us as their only male role models, then maybe we wouldn’t end up having people like the fucktards currently in the White House running our country into the ground. The religious right’s response to this would probably be that all this male affection in a childs early stages of development would probably make them more suceptable to catching gayness, but fuck them too!
Adam -
Ok…coming from a girl…i’m going to state this, unequivocaly. Gender/Sexuality/Sex (and ALL are very ambiguous words these days with the emergence of transexuals, etc.) are INHERENTLY unequal. Biology has dictated an inherent unfairness by creating us differently. Men will ALWAYS get the shaft when it comes to child rearing. You can’t carry them. You can’t breast feed them. And you can’t connect with them at the same level that women can, and that is simply a matter of biological physical capabilities. I simply make the point that equality is not possible between the sexes because of this fact. This does NOT mean that white-bread red middle america can’t wake the fuck up and let their women be people instead of quite, hospital-corner folding, girls. I, for one, am getting my doctorate just so i can avoid the feminine stereotype of having to marry for stability or (gasp/god forbid!) money. Get my shit in gear first…do something i love… then find someone i love. THAT should be the M.O. for everyone, not just men. Biological inequality…ok. Fair enough. But socially inflicted inequality can bite me. And can probably bite you too…from what i can tell.