When The Greatest Nation On Earth Succumbs To A Vertical Smile…
July 22nd, 2007 by Adam
Not even touching the ludicrous idea that it’s illegal to sell what is perfectly legal to give away, in light of recent events I feel the need to call the basic concept of prostitution into question. Generally it’s described as ‘sex for money’, but this model becomes breaks down immediately; what if no ‘knowing’, in the biblical sense, occurs? What if someone is simply being paid to dress in stilettos and smack a little booty with a belt? Does that count as prostitution, or just interactive theater with a side-order of erection? What if the whole exchange happens over the phone? The ‘prostitute’ in that scenario is merely verbally inciting a fantasy, which Jenny Lewis did for me after I bought her CD (okay, downloaded it, but if you call her a whore I will gouge your fucking eyes out). If paying someone to talk on the phone counts as prostitution, then Miss Cleo is fucked! If Kait talks potty-words to me via Vodafone it’s fine, but if I slip her $20 for it this winter, we’re both criminals?
I bring this up not only in the hopes of inciting a little long-distance dirtiness, but because of the recent “revelation” in said D.C. Madam scandal that many of her clients were well-respected, high-ranking individuals. I would hope that rather than feign outrage and resurrect Jerry Falwell’s ghost for a long rant about Morality with a capital M, we might take this opportunity to ask some real questions, namely: why is prostitution still illegal? Is it because of some neo-Victorian belief in the impropriety of sex? Is it a belief that sex is sacred and therefore not a sellable commodity on par with, say, a Lite-Brite or pack of Big Red? Or is it a belief that prostitution cannot be considered a ‘victimless crime’ because society itself is the victim? It’s not called ‘the world’s oldest profession’ for nothing, and so far as I can tell, human society has somehow managed to survive and even thrive, marching bravely onward despite the presence of flappers, snappers, and ‘down-ass chicks’ in every society throughout every epoch of human history. So why do we continue to kid ourselves? Is it because only by keeping prostitution marginalized do we have any chance of controlling the terrible damage it does? Or is it because, were such activities legal, part of its appeal would disappear alongside all the time, money, and manpower spent fighting it? Maybe whores are like swear words—we need them to be forbidden in order to not taint the satisfaction of using them.
But not only do we cling to the notion that prostitution is some grave social ill, we also conceive of it as a dirty, debased activity engaged in by dirty, debased individuals. Interesting how the Madam’s phone records include a long list of federal employees, lawyers, doctors, contractors, lobbyists, and even a high-ranking official or two. These are the “cream of the crop” so to speak, the tip-top of the social pyramid, and they don’t seem to mind the occasional dubious contact, and this is just one organization out of hundreds like it. I, for one, am nowhere near shocked– why the hell are so many people appalled? Europeans don’t find it particularly surprising or distressing when their leaders enjoy a little tryst, nor do many other nations around the globe, including those pesky pseudo-Americans riding our jockstrap to the north. It would seem that the rest of the world has this shocking belief that privacy— wait for it— is private, and therefore none of your god damn business, or mine. We seem to be the only fools who pretend that prostitution is a huge social ill and trust our leaders to protect us from it, only to find that they engage in it as much, if not more, than everyone else. All of this, and a frightening number of Americans still think that access to hookers is going to bring the sky crashing down.
Apparently, in descending order of severity, the greatest threats to American society are:
1) Al Qaeda
2) Universal Healthcare
3) Prostitution
4) Gay Rights
5) Reparations For Slavery
Nowhere on that list is Hubris, or Ignorance, or Apathy. But gays? Hoe-bags? Infants and retirees who can’t pay artificially-inflated prices for their medication?
Fuck them shits.
Never mind that most studies show regulated prostitution actually curtails the spread of sexually transmitted infections. Never mind that every nation with regulated prostitution nets untold millions annually from the practice. In a nation so strapped for cash that it’s considering cutting funding for public broadcasting to pay for a war half of us never wanted and almost no one wants now, why are we still pursing our lips at the idea and sweeping it back under the rug? Because it should be there? Or because under the rug is a much more satisfying place to fuck on the sly?
I don’t know… why don’t we ask Congress?
Hi internet stranger. At random: I think generally prostitution is illegal these days not because sex is “dirty,” but because it “exploits women.”
Notice who generally holds the sex work jobs, and coincidentally who still has trouble making decent money at other jobs. And note that even the happy whores like Carol Queen, who love sex work, say that primarily they do it for the money. You can look at that situation a lot of ways (banish anything women can make more money at? try to protect women from exploitative jobs?), but you can’t really look at it without tripping over a gender gap. That’s a start.